Okay, this is in no way writing related, so I am sorry, but I absolutely had to share this with you.
Here’s the thing I have realized that happens when you get engaged:
Every single person ever tells you what they think you should do with such certainty and conviction you dare not do otherwise.
Don’t get me wrong, I love people suggesting ideas, or showing me cool things they have seen or even discussing things I ought to avoid. In saying this there is a big difference between suggesting, showing and discussing and stating your opinion as fact.
When it came to planning the majority of our wedding I have pretty flexible. Most of the decorations I’ve sourced for tables were second hand finds that were super fun to hunt down in Op-Shops, I brought the first dress I tried on, I was pretty set in colours almost immediately. It wasn’t because I’m lethargic, or don’t care or anything, it’s because I am a HUGE google-er so I generally have an idea I want and then I go full scale velociraptor and hunt it down.
I also love chatting to people about their ideas and what they would like/have done/ for their weddings, because there is nothing more irritating than a bride who unrolls and reads out her manifesto-of-her-perfect-wedding every time you see her.
The problem is that more often than not I do have a tendency to take people’s suggestions on board way too willingly. I explain that my bridesmaids are wearing navy and that I don’t think the dress suits necklaces and someone will say ‘oh wait, they do.’ and suddenly I am rethinking EVERYTHING.
I go looking for hair pieces to wear and I find two that I like that are a little pricey, I am trying to decide if I should get one of them. One friend tells me to get them both, another says, ‘No way! That’s WAY too expensive!’
And it’s not just décor or my dress or my hair. It is worse.
Unhelpful, scary, life advice.
I have had a least seven or eight people say ‘no one will tell you this but the first year of marriage is SO hard…’ as a matter of fact I had heard it so often I was like, ‘why the heck do people even put themselves through this then!?’
‘When you have kids the romance dies…’
‘What’s your last name going to be when you get married…?’ I tell them, ‘Oh… well, he must be worth it then.’
Everyone. Stop giving me advice.
This is where I have sort of come to in the whole process of planning a wedding/preparing to get married.
I am not going to take things too seriously.
I’m not going to take my décor too seriously – and feel constantly inadequate next to Pinterest
I’m not going to take the enormous amounts of marriage advice seriously – unless it’s from my parents, my pastor, or the people who are taking us through premarital counseling.
I want to enjoy the planning process, and to enjoy my wedding day, and enjoy being married, and I’m aware I may have to come up against walls through all of these processes, but if everyone could stop stating their opinions or experiences as fact that would be awesome.
As I said, I appreciate suggestions and giggling over colour schemes and dreaming up crazy ideas but at the end of the day being told exactly how to do things otherwise my wedding/hair/tablesettings/married life will be ruined and awful… is not fun.
I went to the physiotherapist the other day and I was chatting with the receptionist.
‘I keep having people tell me what to do with my hair.’ I told her, because seriously… I have. ‘Because I have a fringe. Some people are like “No way! You CANNOT have a fringe for your wedding photos…” others are like, “Gosh if you didn’t have your fringe you wouldn’t look like you!” It’s exhausting.’
‘Oh. Yes well. You have to do what you want to do at the end of the day. It is your wedding, you have to be happy with it and like your decisions. Don’t let anyone else tell you what to do.’ she told me emphatically, before a long pause and adding, ‘But if you do have your fringe, don’t have it as long as it is now, it wouldn’t look right at all.’
Oh. My. Gosh.