Okay, so… I need a little bit of help.
I am at that stage where like, everything I write seems crappy or boring to me right now.
I am in the process of rewriting parts of my super hero novel ‘DARE’ and have just had a go at a new opening scene, but am a little worried it’s super boring.
If you have time I’d so appreciate if you took a read and gave me any ideas you think would work well to really make the story spring off to a good start.
This is what I have SO far… apologies if it’s the most boring thing you’ve ever read ever, but any tips/ideas would be appreciated!
OPENING SCENE REWRITE:
I’ll tell you the whole thing.
The whole story. And then you’ll understand everything.
I guess it all started that final night with Liam. It had been a rough day at school, and the last thing I wanted was a dinner time lecture.
‘I don’t know why you care so much what people think of you, Roe,’ he remarked between bites, ‘it doesn’t matter.’
I simmered refusing to look at him. It did matter.
It mattered to me that everyone at school thought I was a total dork. It mattered to me that Paul Ivans mocked me mercilessly at every presented opportunity. I was pretty sure it would have mattered to him too if he were my age.
See Liam did that. He pretended he was my dad when he wasn’t, giving completely redundant advice while I suffered that oh so cruel affliction known as my ‘Teenage-Years.’
‘One day it won’t matter.’ He reminded – because he frequently said this – ‘you’ll be doing what you were born to do and they’ll have day jobs in super markets.’
I liked the idea of Paul Ivans in a super market apron so smirked a little. Liam spotted this and grinned.
‘See. You know I’m right.’
I shrugged, he was but still not willing to admit he’d cheered me up – even just a little – I poked at my food.
‘Yeah,’ I muttered, ‘well I suppose I had always hoped you’re being ridiculously rich would be at least somewhat beneficial to my social life. That’s how it is in the movies? You’re loaded and I get all the girls. Isn’t that right?’ I tried to sound as though I were joking, although the sentiment was entirely serious.
You’d think the fact that he was impossibly wealthy and owned Grey Corporation would make me super popular.
All it did do was provide Paul Ivans with a specific avenues of ridicule. ‘How’s it going Richie Rich?’ he’d tease, ‘Morning Miss Moneybags…’ and the like. It was Paul and these kinds of remarks which had left me in the foul mood I was in that evening.
I was sick of it.
The thing was that Liam didn’t understand because he was ridiculously popular and had an endless amount of people kissing his ass and girls hanging off each arm.
‘I am very sorry that my wealth is not more beneficial to you, Roe,’ Liam replied, still grinning in a smile far too like my own, ‘regardless, it makes no difference either way. You are who you are, and that doesn’t change – no matter what people think of you.’
I exhaled and pushed myself out from the table, meeting his gaze at last and tipping my head to one side, ‘I’m done.’ I told him tartly, furious he wasn’t taking me seriously. ‘May I be excused?’
Liam opened his mouth to reply when across the dining room a single red telephone began to ring and the both of us fell completely silent.
Saying nothing at all, Liam was on his feet, and stalked across to the telephone, plucking it up and pressing it to his ear, ‘Hello?’
There was this long silence, and I craned to hear, watching him with wide eyes.
‘Alright.’ Liam concluded, ‘yes mam. We’re on our way.’
He was already halfway out the door by the time I’d clambered out of my chair, trailing after him.
‘What is it?’ I asked, all conversation pertaining to my popularity – or lack thereof – forgotten.
‘Just a typical BIE.’ Liam responded, without a glance over his shoulder.
BIE. Burglar Intent on Escape.
Liam was already at the very end of the hall now, where a huge portrait hung. A painting of him, aged six or seven with his since dead parents.
I caught up just as Liam placed his hand flat against the canvas and the frame began to vibrate before sinking backwards into the wall presenting a hollowed out alcove.
‘BIE,’ I was saying, taking my place alongside him, ‘easy. I might even be home in time to do my history homework.’
‘You should have finished it before now.’ Liam told me bluntly, ‘you have to work hard and be diligent, Roe.’
I shrugged, with a sarcastic sneer, ‘Just like you said. Regardless of what happens in High School, I’ll be doing what I’m born to do,’ I told him, ‘and Paul Ivans will be working in a super market. Doesn’t matter what people think of me or my grades, isn’t that what you said?’
Liam scowled, folding his arms across his chest, knowing I had him beat.
Up until then I’d assumed that my whole life was laid out before me, just as Liam had said.
Sure it would have been nice to be popular, to have friends, to have a girlfriend, to have Paul Ivans and his merciless teasing off my back. But as far as I was concerned it was just as Liam said. All of that wasn’t important. Not really.
Because when that red phone rung nothing mattered except the fact that there was trouble and Liam and I?
We were super heroes, and it was our job to fix it.